Even though formula that approximates human breast milk is readily available, the FDA offcicially states that "When it comes to nutrition, the best first food for babies is breast milk." That's okay, really. You just have to be careful with what you do before you create your breast milk.Do not use or otherwise ingest large amounts of methamphetamines or other drugs, as you can pass them along to your child, thereby killing it dead in it's cradle. That's what happened recently in Los Angeles, CA. A 30-year old woman smoked speed then fed one of her 3 kids her breast milk. It died a short time later. It seems to be a common sense-variety piece of advice, but you know how those breast-feeders are.
But there's more to it than watching out for what you ingest, there's also watching out for what you don't ingest. Just a few months after PETA started their "scaremongering" Child-Abuse campaign (which adverts that feeding a child meat or dairy products is akin to child abuse), a couple of vegan mothers, after breast feeding their respective children, realised that their kids seemed to have problems. After checking with the doctor, it was found that the kids were suffering from a vitamin B-12 deficiency that was affecting their growth and mental development. Why were they deficient? Because by not eating meat and associated products they had not themselves ingested the vitamin, thereby being unable to pass it to the infants. Take your vitamins, Vego-Mommies! Or, eat bacon!
If you're sure that your breast milk is free from hardcore drugs and contains all the important vitamins and minerals, go ahead and feed your kid. But don't pass it off too long. If your kid is in the second or third grade, it may be time to switch him to Froot Loops. I may not be a pediatrician, but I know when I see something that'll fuck up a kid for life, and I'll be damned if that's not it. Find that boy a candy bar, someone?
But I guess it beats sharing the foul nectar of the boobies with others. Not so in fantastic China, where locals have recently started including human breast milk in a few new dishes. Their excuse is that it allows the rich (the banquet costs $33,000US) to re-experience "maternal affection". I think I would experience "vomit". I am not making this up. At least the Chinese aren't feeding the breast milk to monkeys, anyway. Oh, wait, I'm wrong. Christ. Well, then, at least I don't have to ever worry about it? Shit. I think I'll start taking my coffee black.
