Blink and you missed it
I posted the Smackdown recap just a few hours ago.***
Unforgiven 2002
Los Angeles, California
September 22, 2002
8-Man Tag-Team Match
The UnAmericans vs. Booker T, Goldust, Kane & Bubba Dudley
This match went 10 minutes, with Booker doing most of the work for his side. Those foreigner's were able to make quick tags, but Bubba and Kane would often use the advantage of their weight to break things up.
At the end of it all, everyone was being hit with everyone's finisher, but Kane caught Lance Storm in the chokeslam for the pin.
WWE Intercontinental Title Match
Chris Jericho (c) vs. Ric Flair
Jericho missed his Lionsault and blew his knee out. While the EMT's were working on Chris, Flair turned his back, and Jericho popped back up, tripped Flair in the Walls of Jericho and got the victory.
Lionsault: Jericho does a running bounce off of the bottom rope, doing a backflip and landing on top of the fallen opponent.
Singles Match
Edge vs. Eddie Guerrero
Just another Edge and Eddie match. This time, Edge placed Eddie on top of the turnbuckle (presumably to set him up for a Superplex), but Eddie leaps over and converts it mid-move into a SuperBomb for the pin.
**Triple H goes into the lockerroom to talk shit to RVD. Seeing Flair sitting dejected in a chair, H mentions that Rob has no desire, and that Flair USED to have it but has now lost it.
Tag-Team Match
Billy & Chuck vs. Rosie & Jamal
Stipulations: If B&C win, Eric Bischoff will kiss Stephanie's ass. If R&J win, Steph must perform HOT LESBIAN ACTION.
The Fat Boys beat on Chuck all through the match. When Billy finally got tagged in and was cleaning house, Rico ran in to distract him. Rosie caught Billy in a Samoan Drop for the win. Backstage, Bischoff has three strippers ready for Steph.
World Title Match
Triple H (c) vs. RVD
RVD got the first shots in, and while HHH was out on the floor Rob mocked the "Water Spit Entrance."
Triple H punched a lot, Rob flipped and kicked a lot. While the referee was accidentally knocked out, RVD was able to cover Hunter but no one was there to count the pin.
RVD hits the 5-Star Frog Splash but the ref is still out. With the ref still dazed, HHH reaches under the ring and brings out his sledgehammer. RVD kicks it into Hunter's face, however.
Ric Flair rushes the ring, grabs the sledge, makes like he's going to do Hunter in, but turns on RVD instead! NOW the referee is able to slowly crawl over and make the 3 count for Hunter.
Flair hands Triple H the belt and says that he's the man.
**Some stupid backstage skit with a Soap Opera star happened, but nothing was important.
WWE Womens Title
Molly (c) vs. Trish
Nothing of note, Trish gets a Bulldog out of nowhere for the pin.
The time of the fall, 5 minutes and 46 seconds, your winner AND FOR THE THIRD TIME NEWWWW World Wrestling Entertainment Women's Champion, TRISH STRATUS!
**A commercial for next month's Pay-per-View, No Mercy, has a bunch of kids in costume being blown off by Pete Rose, until Kane chokeslams him. I'll cover the Pete Rose story at the bottom.
Singles Match
Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit
An absolutely amazing match, with the men focusing more on grappling than punching. They did numerous German Suplexes on each other, and continually reversed each other's moves.
At one point, Angle actually got Benoit into his own Crossface move. When Benoit reached the ropes, Angle tried kicking them away but the ref made them break the hold. During the confusion Chris rolled on top, and with his feet on the ropes for leverage got the pin.
HOT LESBIAN ACTION
Bischoff comes to the ring with Peaches and Cream. He asks them to give the audience a sneak preview, but then changes his mind and says only Steph will be getting some tonight.
Steph shows up in a leather jacket and skirt. The girls strip down, then are ordered to rub down Steph...but wait, no, Eric's changed his mind. Just to be sure that Steph won't enjoy it, Eric has found the fattest, ugliest lesbian he could find: Hildegard.
Steph totally makes out with Hildy, to Eric's bewilderment. But then Hildy shoves down Eric, pulls off the mask and it's Rikishi. Eric gets to perform some HOT SALAD TOSSING ACTION...okay, I'll never call it that again.
I would like to remind everyone that the WWE will be marketing HLA shirts...just another idea for the kids this year.
WWE Heavyweight Title
Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Undertaker
Lots of punching, lots of slugging. Undertaker takes shots at Paul whenever he can.
While outside the ring, Brock clobbered 'Taker with the belt, busting him open.
Referee gets knocked out, and just as Undertaker Chokeslammed Brock, Matt Hardy rushed the ring. 'Taker took time out to beat Matt senseless, but Brock recovers and starts fighting again.
Undertaker hits Brock over the head with a steel chair hard enough to bend the fucker. A second chairshot sends Brock flying out of the ring.
Lesnar threatens the ref, gets hit from behind by 'Taker which sends the ref flying again, and the referee calls for the bell, declaring the match a NO CONTEST.
Brock and Undertaker continue to brawl up the aisle while the crowd boos loudly over the stupidity of the booking.
***
Originally Undertaker was supposed to be pinned clean with the F5, but he bitched and whined to the right people and the ending was changed at the last minute.
The WWE has been trying to build up Brock Lesnar as an unstoppable monster. Hulk Hogan and The Rock were willing to put him over for the good of the business, but Undertaker cares more about himself. Unfortunately he's one of Vince's favorite employees and often gets his way.
Same with Hunter, who not only is on chummy terms with Vince, but is banging his daughter to boot. If Hunter and Steph ever break up for real things will probably change, but until then more talented wrestlers like Chris Jericho and RVD will never be allowed to look good on TV or PPV against H.
***
Wrestlemania has always been hyped as the biggest wrestling show of the year. Almost every single one has been chock full of celebrities.
In the Summer of 1997 the Undertaker learned that his brother Kane, long thought dead in the fire that killed their parents, was in fact alive. For all these years Kane has lived in hiding, his entire body a disfigured mess of burns and scars. The only thing on his mind has been revenge against his brother, who he blames for starting the fire.
This revelation was made by Paul Bearer, Undertaker's former manager who had turned on him a year earlier. Paul had been an apprentice mortician for the Undertaker's parents (and we would later learn that Kane was in fact Paul's son from an illicit encounter.)
Kane made his debut at the In Your House: Badd Blood PPV in October '97, piledriving his brother which allowed Shawn Michaels to get a tainted victory in their Hell in a Cell Match.
Kane was shown to have the same powers as the Undertaker: He was impervious to pain, he could regenerate himself almost automatically, and he had superhuman strength. Kane had one other supernatural power: he could ignite objects at will.
NOTE: I swear to God I'm not making this shit up. And anyone who still believes that wrestling is real has their head up their ass.
Undertaker refused to fight his brother, so Kane went on a rampage destroying wrestlers left and right.
At the January '98 Royal Rumble Kane placed Undertaker in a casket, locked it shut, chopped some holes in the lid, poured gasoline into the holes and over the coffin and lit it on fire!
A few weeks later, Undertaker returned from the dead and challenged Kane to a match at Wrestlemania XIV.
Pete Rose was announced beforehand as being a special guest celebrity, but in exactly what capacity we weren't told beforehand. It turned out to be the Guest Ring Announcer for the Undertaker - Kane match.
WM 14 was in Boston that year, and Pete Rose came out insulting the Boston Crowd. Pete said every insulting thing he could think of about the Red Sox when Kane's music hit. Rose stayed in the ring, a look of intimidation on his face but determined to do his announcing job. Instead, Kane Chokeslammed him, then Piledrove the shit out of Pete. Rose was unceremoniously dumped onto a stretcher by the officials and rolled out of the arena.
A year later at Wrestlemania XV, Kane was scheduled to wrestle Triple H. Before the match could start, Kane was attacked by the San Diego Chicken. After knocking his head off, it was shown to be Pete Rose, who once again got dropped on his head and stretchered out.
This was great, as not only was Pete NOT announced as a guest this year, but it showed some continuity from the year before (which these days is sorely lacking in the writing.)
So when Wrestlemania 2000 was rolling around, speculation on Pete Rose came up again. In the pre-game show that was on the air all day before the PPV started, Pete Rose was found backstage carrying a baseball bat. He was vague on what his reasons for being there were.
That night Kane teamed with Rikishi to defeat X-Pac & Roaddog. Afterwards, Rikishi's buddies Too Cool (Scotty 2 Hotty and Jerry Lawler's son Brian Christopher) came out to do their signature dancin' with Rikishi. Kane was persuaded to join them too.
NOTE: What originally made Rikishi popular with the fans was his teaming up with Too Cool. The sight of a 350 Pound Samoan (and that's just the weight in his ass) moving to the Hip-Hop was popular, in a Faces of Death kind of way.
While getting ready for the dance, the San Diego Chicken got into position also...Kane was immediately suspicious but was assured it wasn't Pete. After the dance, Kane wasn't going to take any more chances and went after the chicken. While trying to rip the head off, Pete rushed the ring with the bat.
Rikishi grabbed the bat before it could be swung, Kane Chokeslammed Pete again, and this time Pete had his face sat on by Rikishi.
Wrestling fans were eager to see what would happen a year later when Wrestlemania X-7 was held in the Astrodome, but sadly there was no Pete that year, nor a year later in Toronto for Wrestlemania X-8.
With his "technical" return for the No Mercy commercial, there's probably going to be speculation that Pete might be in Seattle for Wrestlemania X-9.....HEY
It's going to be in Safeco Field on March 30, 2003...that's a Baseball Stadium, Pete might show up afterall...This'll be an awesome year for Seattle if the Mariners win the World Series (Nobody hold your breath please.)
Tickets go on sale through TicketMaster and the WWE Website on January 11th, and folks...remember your friend Merwyn who lives in poverty, for only the price of a moderate college education you could send me to Wrestlemania so I don't have to pay for my own ticket.
***
One Last Note: Years ago Too Cool were supposed to be the first team to have a Gay Wedding, but both wrestlers refused to do the storyline. You'll notice that neither one works for the WWE anymore.
