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Cynic's Sideline 8-20-01
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By Funny Guy, Section Columns
Posted on Mon Aug 20th, 2001 at 08:14:45 AM PDT
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Cynic's Sideline 8-20-01
The spirit of Olympia's Downtown shone again this weekend with the annual animal cruelty parade. Also known as the Pet Parade. Although, I must say, the pets were outnumbered by the children five to one. This is the parade where household pets are drug through downtown dressed in all manner of odd costumes that do nothing if not inhibit the normal movement of their appendages. I'm sorry, putting a pair of saggy boxers on a Weimareiner, even though you've cut a hole out for it's tail, is just not pretty. And the poor dog has to walk down the street looking like he's got a pantsfull.
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The kids were also dressed up, perhaps in some commiseration with the unfortunate suffering pets. "Look Fido, I look like a dork too..." Young children were dressed in cardboard boxes with construction paper covers, unwieldy papier-mache heads and $8.99 dryer ducts from Home Depot. They really did look like robots (ahem). But the pets, the pets looked just plain uncomfortable. The theme appeared to be "things related to space and astronauts" so lots of the animals sported extra limbs and helmets and coat hanger antennae and things. One poor little kittycat had been put inside the clear dome of an old Bissell carpet steamer and gazed out at the crowd through the glassy eyes one can only get from near suffocation. Or perhaps the greenhouse effect. But far from reminding me of a space capsule, it actually looked like the poor pussy was in a little Pope-mobile. Bless me Fluffy. Shortly after viewing this horrible twist of feline fate, I mentioned to my friend Hal that it would be funny if they put one of those little yapping lapdogs skittishly strutting around in a crockpot. They could have a big sign on it that said "Stewing Dog." Ha Ha. As usual truth is stranger than fiction. No sooner were those words out of my lips than along comes a family towing a wagon with two Pug dogs friskily fidgeting forward and tied to either side. On the wagon itself was a mock-up of a rotisserie spit (I'm not making this up) with a stuffed Pug dog skewered by a pole rotating over construction paper flames. A sign said "Pug on a Stick." No shit. And here's the real kicker. The Mom towing the wagon was Asian. Personally I have nothing against different cultures eating different domestic animals. If I had been raised to appreciate puppy more than veal I'd be chomping down on a Chihuahua as we speak, I just think it's not wise to inflame racial stereotypes in front of crowds full of potential PETA people.
Tomorrow: Goats, fighting cocks and a little pavement surprise.
Farmer |
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