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Cynic's Sideline 7-18-01
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By Funny Guy, Section Culture
Posted on Wed Jul 18th, 2001 at 08:02:35 AM PDT
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Cynic's Sideline 7-18-01
I'm in a real hurry this morning but I'll try to chop this out. Of the ten most popular cities to live in listed in yesterday's AOL poll, five of them were in Texas: Dallas, Houston, San Antonio, Austin and El Paso. Uh Huh. Who took this poll? And more importantly, who counted the results? The Bush Boys? Cause I been to Texas and it ain't that perty. It's a big state full of a lot of hot air and not much else. Oh sure, you got your cattle ranches and oil rigs and such, but you also got a lot of people going absolutely nuts from the heat, the heat and the heat, not necessarily in that order.
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My kinfolk hail from Texas where, incidentally, the hail is big as golf balls, but I still can't get into the Tejano mindset. The Texans I know have taken their Alamo ethos and turned it into a colossal justification for all forms of pointless stubbornness. Hey cowboy. Sometimes it's okay to give in a little. Let that Mitsubishi merge in front of your pickup. And while your at it, don't blast Japanese exchange students off your front doorstep. Santa Ana retreated a long time ago. Every stranger isn't an invader. And I'm not saying the average Texan is dumb as a hitching post but I once accused one of being xenophobic and he said he liked the warrior princess just fine.
Seattle, thank God, didn't make the list, so maybe the fair-weather grifters will drift back south where the belong. San Jose and San Diego, the two California entries, brought to four the total of cities on the list whose names are reminiscent of our Hispanic heritage. Perhaps the Spanish flavor contributes to the livability of a city choked with so much humanity its possible to crowd surf in your average am/pm.
Though I did have a bit of chuckle when I was down in California recently. As you might expect, there's a Mexican restaurant on every corner there; SoCal's equivalent of the Starbuck's phenomenon I guess, but since they're all independently owned, names have become something of a problem. All the good ones, like El Sarape (the blanket), Azteca (the Aztec-- "Yeh, could I have the sacrificed virgin burrito please"--) and Los Cojones (sports bar I guess) have been taken. So this place has a big sign out front that says "Welcome to Dos Pedros." Pedro, for those of you uninitiated in the melodic tones of the Spanish tongue, means Peter. San Pedro means Saint Peter, after that waffling guy in the New Testament (Jesus? Um... I don't know any Jesus...) "Dos" means two. Okay. Welcome to Two Peters. Sounds like an invitation to that fight thing Filipinos do with trained roosters doesn't it? Or maybe it explains why the owner is so popular at the disco.... |
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